What are you doing here? Welcome anyway

The cruel joke Irony plays

2011-06-12T05:31:00.002+08:00

You meet me wherever I go, even thwarting my best laid plans. Sometimes you may even be my best laid plan manifested. Sometimes preconceived, sometimes beneficial, sometimes either, sometimes neither.

You are difficult opponent indeed, embarrassing me in ways that only I understand, in ways that prevent me from sharing the joke of which I am a part of with anyone else.

As I take pains to avoid you, Irony, you are the initially frustrating, eventually delightful surprise that brings chaos to my life. You make me question myself, and cause me to think myself a fool. And yet I shall begin by chuckling every time we meet, because I know I will have the last laugh.

You see Irony, because I am such a case that so far, only I can lead myself to realise the ironies of my actions, I know you are entirely a construct of my mind. I know you would only make me stronger because you cause me to see the weakness in arguments and thoughts including and especially, those of my own. Although I dislike the presence of you, I am sometimes thankful that you are.

However, this time you really outdid yourself. As the metaphorical sailor who roams the seas to find wisdoms he may use on land, he is forced to use the very land-drawn maps which he tried so hard to avoid in the first place. Two Ironies within an annoying truth. Especially since I have immersed myself in nothing but maps for the past few weeks. So that I may find my treasure, I have do things I dislike, which might even entail learning from the things I used to love, but not currently, because they remind me too painfully of the beautiful land I have left behind. Oh, Irony most foul, you outdid yourself this time.

Yet, I see a glimmer of a lesson to be learnt. Knowledge partially understood is not understood at all. A lesson partially learnt is no lesson at all. Things have to be experienced entirely or not at all. The sweetness and the bitterness have to be taken together, and you know it is the bitterness I find difficult to stomach. Irony, you dangle my prize at the same time that you dangle the very things I dislike. You are a cruel foe indeed.

The wheels on a bus goes round and round

2011-02-28T22:12:00.002+08:00

The boundaries between sharinghappinessshowingoffcryingforattention are blurred. People project their issues onto others, perceiving hidden motives in the actions of others when there might be none. A cycle perpetuates, beliefs are reinforced.

Children continually ask when in doubt. They are too wise to misintepret or assume.

Let's go get bruised

2011-02-21T22:43:00.000+08:00

I may try, I might fall, I might hurt myself, and feel pain. But it's better than sitting on my butt all day.

Unwell and vulnerable

2011-02-21T05:58:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I get sick. My ego hibernates and my vulnerabilities show themselves. Hidden within them are truths of my flaws which would otherwise be disregarded and ignored. Imperfection is universal, and trying to achieve perfection is to waste time. However, I do not want to be ignorant of my imperfections. I want to at least know. Then, I wish not to forget lest I become ignorant of myself.

To hide my flaws and fix them, or to wear them undisguised so that ones who care will learn to accept them is a debate for when I become better. Ironically, I just exhibited an obvious flaw of mine . . . procrastination.

Happy is better than right

2011-02-18T08:45:00.000+08:00

I was a boy who was too young to choose. Soon I will be too old, with more regrets than choices. Where am I today?

Mistakes made today are painful reminders. Regret realised tomorrow is emptiness, worse than painful memories. The mind is left to wander, the psychology of greener grasses visualising a variety of unfulfilled destinies which tortures the mind with lost potential.

My failings are part of my life. Funny, sad, or educational, depending on my perspective and wisdom. Regret mixed with wonder is a special kind of suffering.

Please, let me be happy rather than right.

Being good

2010-12-26T23:26:00.012+08:00

To be all things to all people, or to be one thing to one person once?

Idealists wanting to fulfill all their ambitions, or a perfectionist devoting their everything to a single goal?
A constant of either would be torture. One is doomed to fail from the onset, the other has to ignore everything the world has to offer.

The only option left is to be average and be somewhere in between. Content is an elusive emotion when one is aware of unrealised potential. Yet, many can devote everything to a single goal and constantly question the choice he has made.

I refuse to give in. My mind and body is my own. My actions and thoughts can forever be judged by an endless number of perpectives, but at the end of the day, my decisions are my own.

I want to devote a single mind to a single goal at all times in my life. And yet, I want time off to be an idealist that fails at everything I do. This is what I have chosen for myself.

The fear is I confuse the single devotion with the other planned failures I have in my life. May I never do that.

However, my problem is that I constantly get distracted. I run off to the first obstacle I see and start to climb. I forget the important things. I worry about irrelevant things. It takes a strong man to ignore and consiously uncare. Because he will be hated for it, and yet it is the only way he can live with himself.

I have a horrible headache that follows a horrible stomach ache which let me escape from shopping with the girlfriend, but I find myself writing nonsense I barely understand myself

Putting my thoughts up like this allows scrutiny of myself by anyone. The bad far outweigh the good, especially when they know who I really am. And strangely I am drawn to exposing myself in this way. Could this be the start of a fatalistic streak? A practise in self-contemplation? A cry for attention? I have absolutely no idea what this is. Only that I stop thinking in circles when I write it down somewhere others can read.

Perhaps I find myself a monster of sorts and I feel compelled to warn others of my true nature. Or perhaps I find that everything we say or everything we do is constantly assessed and reassessed by ourselves and everyone around us to conform to a preconceived notion of civility. Perhaps a blog is my best way to express myself completely uncensored save for the riddles by which I communicate. Perhaps this is my freedom. Perhaps it is why I fantasize of being a barbarian although I know I would be crocodile food within the first day.

Perhaps I find this the only way I can communicate without someone else derailing my train of thought. Perhaps I finally realise that we are incapable of seeing the world outside our own experiences and therefore we can never really understand what someone else feels. Perhaps it follows that the most honest conversation we can have is with ourselves. And yet that is forbidden. Perhaps a blog would be a suitable cover for such an activity.

For the coming year

2010-12-22T00:06:00.005+08:00

Pride in whatever I do.

A post to remind me about the above. May I have satisfaction regardless of outcome.

By the way,

2010-12-02T02:50:00.023+08:00

This winter is a perfect metaphor for my life in this country. My dream life is currently frozen until I get out of this country. Ironically, my dream life is unattainable until I finish what I set out to do here.

Feels like my dreams are slipping away out of memory, as I try to make myself into something better here, more mature, more compassionate, more considerate, more understanding.

There's nothing in this country for me except a better me. A necessary evil, as home is too comfortable and familiar, with family that will not let me risk. A long degree in a foreign country with high standards . . . now that's something difficult and ideologically dangerous enough to make me better. Or so I told myself years ago as I first came here.

Life has moved on, I have moved on, I thought, as I contemplated leaving to go back home to pursue the dreams I didn't know I had. Leaving home does that, it makes you recognise the things you love and took for granted, things you needed and made you complete and functional. However, my task here wasn't yet complete, my parents reminded me, and so I had no choice but to stay. Staying on here, degrading into forlorn version of my older self. Each day became a chore, a set of motions executed out of duty. To complicate things, I let childish obsessions distract me from my misery.

Then a twist of fate. A few months ago, I reclaimed some of my former self. I unknowingly spent time and money to nourish the old me, ignoring everything I was meant to do. I did it without thinking, without realising my body started to do things for its own good. 2 months passed. I started to come back as I rested and energised. It was as though I was locked away for years. In a way, I was.

Now, I'm hiding a hint of unreasonable confidence that I used to have and loved about myself, it was foolish to let myself lose it and be replaced by calculated reason. It took a failure to wake me up.

Dreams and goals now fill my head. Restlessness fills my body. Obstacles once unsurmountable seem fallible.

In the last 3 years, I learnt a little about myself. I have weaknesses. I can get discouraged. I can get distracted. I finally understood I could fail. The illusion was broken, the bubble burst. I felt powerless and resigned myself to my imminent fall, trying to salvage as much dignity as I could as my world fell apart.

Then a spark lit. Weaknesses sweeten the victory. Courage is a fire which burns defiant in the face of despair, fueled by desire. Distraction is fear manifested. I want to die a warrior's death. Scars remind me that I have lived. These are wisdoms I once knew, but forgot, and now remembered again.

I'm staying in this country voluntarily now. I have unfinished tasks, unproven to myself that will complete in 2 years. Then I'm going home to create the life I want . . . every single, elaborate, impossible part of it.

The mind will plan and assess, but desire is the motivation behind every act. I did the mistake of letting my mind decide my life for the past few years, and listened to advice and thought too much till I questioned everything I believe, leading me to come very close to making mistakes I will regret. No more. Now what I want calls the shots, no matter how unreasonable and foolish.

Age may alert my eyes to dangers previously unseen, but the blind cannot see. And blind courage is what I have.

I'm back, world. And this is my battle cry. Just watch.

Emotional Overload

2010-09-02T14:35:00.000+08:00

I have no salary, little knowledge on how to keep you happy and you will never reach your full potential with me. Perhaps they're right, we're not meant to be. I'm too young for you and you're as high maintenance as they come. However, as the light from your curves fall upon my eyes like the first drops of desert rain, I can't deny what I feel. You grow on me. You bring out my most superficial desires. I already have someone I love, but I can't put you out of my mind. The sound of your breathing soothes and excites me. Sometimes I feel you nearby but when I turn to find you, it's another imposter (yet another TT). Perhaps what I'm trying to say is . . . white Audi R8 with carbon fiber interior inlays, E-gear, ceramic brakes and stainless steel pedals, I have more than an innocent wanting for your V10 magneride quattro system.

In our quiet, lonely moments, we sometimes find ourselves right back where we began

2009-12-21T03:48:00.002+08:00

Jetlag means that I'm wide awake at 4 am. I'm thankful that the lag's not so bad this time.

Slow internet connection means I have to forgo streaming live video of music, anime, etc for a little while.

It seems I only blog when I'm back home in KL these days, encouraged by "an abundance of unplanned time with restricted freedom" (a.k.a bored). Restricted freedom being it's 4am and nothing is open or no one is awake, with the exception of me and my dog.

Anyway, I actually have something to write about. Again, with another passing year, I find myself changing again, like changing colours of the leaves through the seasons. Not cyclical, but frequently unnoticed until the change is almost complete. Perhaps it's called age.

I'm less of a perfectionist now. Which makes it easy for people to get along with me. I say and do what I feel like more. The me from 5 years ago would be horrified. But the me from 5 years ago is nowhere near as happy as I am. I am unafraid to chart an imperfect future, and unforeseen complications don' keep me up at night. And yet somehow, with my acceptance of more and more things imperfect, I find that the grandest of my ideas have never before been closer to reality. Perhaps I am unhindered by myself in moving forward, perhaps I am less afraid of letting people into every crevice of my life, allowing my friends to guide and support me whenever they do. True friends I need to learn to appreciate.

Once again, it's easier to say than do.

My Fickle Mind

2009-05-13T01:39:00.003+08:00

Life's too short. Make the most of what we have, or watch it slip away.

I'm telling myself to do more, today comes only once. What I do in that day will last forever.

Big words, lazy boy, but willing to change.

Here's to the gift of today.

Exams Suck

2009-05-11T13:53:00.004+08:00

When they're over, they either leave with a feeling that you could have done better, or cause you to feel empty now that your main focus for the past few weeks have gone.

It's like losing a girlfriend . . . who was a b"t@h.

Happy yet sad, and a little frustrated about the lost time.

Ideal Solutions

2009-03-17T19:59:00.003+08:00

Ideally, problems should not be simplified. But people do exactly that.

Some people know no other way. Some people dare no other way.

Unfortunately, the best intentions are not always enough. A bright mind is a prerequisite to an understanding of a problem in all its complexity. But it takes a truly concerned person to look at a problem and consider its many implications.

A solution? . . . that's a whole other problem.

I'm a daredevil at 1.30 a.m.

2009-02-10T09:31:00.003+08:00

When everyone's asleep and I feel like I'm really alone. When it's 1.30 a.m. . . . it feels like no one is watching and I'm can do whatever I want.

My mind goes crazy and makes plans I wouldn't dare to during the day. It feels like stolen time which I can do whatever I want with.

I imagine myself running away to another country. Climbing a famous landmark. Getting in a car and cruising on a highway (sigh, not in this country). Sleeping outside in the open.

You can call me a were-daredevil.

I'm sleepy.

Undefinable

2009-02-05T21:16:00.005+08:00

Ideas, thoughts and beliefs are constant changing, like the water in the ocean or clouds in the sky. To define and name them would be pointless, to judge them would be worse. It assumes understanding of the subject, which will soon change its mind again. It is distressing.

We put our thoughts in concrete forms and apply it to our surroundings to create order for ourselves. We fool ourselves that this is different from that give these reasons. Sometimes we get so lost in defining and categorising and labelling that we forget that two opposite ideas could have stemmed from the same source and that their objectives are intertwined.

Ideas, thoughts and beliefs are constant changing.

I will just find enjoyment in the ones I like.

Thoughts behind words

2008-12-03T23:51:00.003+08:00

"Why did this happen?"

I'm used to hearing it spoken as rhetoric. As a complaint against reality. An objection of the unchangeable. Rarely have I felt that it was spoken out of pure curiosity. But then I realised that it should be that way more often.

We can't change the past and life's too precious to dwell on it. But we can learn from it. And perhaps us or others can takes steps to prevent it from happening again.

When in doubt, do something you enjoy.

Take It Easy

2008-11-09T18:25:00.003+08:00

I am lazy
I am evil
I do things I feel bad about but still glad that I did it
I obsess
I eat, alot
I'm vain, but care less and less
I need people to like me
I'm proud
I want everything
I don't know what I need
I like to cook.
I want a super kitchen.
I want a kick ass house.
I want to supervise the building of my own house.
I want to go swim.
I miss my dog.
I want to do the right thing.
I don't know if there's a right thing.
I eat too much cookies.
I think my obsessions are my form of escapism.
My parents mean more to me than they know.
My brothers too.
I don't always fulfill responsibilities given to me
I want to change that.
I'm scared to fail.
I want to change that.

Destiny

2008-10-01T21:27:00.002+08:00

I read a book yesterday and it lead me into thinking this:

Who we are and who we are going to be are predetermined in a way. Our values shape what we care about and that is the reason for all that we do.

Maybe there is truth to this whole fate thing.

Higher Purposes

2008-06-23T07:20:00.003+08:00

Higher purposes are convenient things. They give extra justification to otherwise purely self serving actions, remove some of the guilt, and help things to happen a little faster.

Conquer

2008-06-22T08:33:00.006+08:00

I just got thrashed by Glen with a set of moves I have never met before. I have not felt this outclassed since I first began playing the game.

It's the most fun I ever had losing. Many people call this game different names, but I grew up calling it conquer.

It involves figuring out your opponent, luring him into carefully crafted trap(s), while avoiding his own traps. I love it, it gives me a real mental workout.

And now I find myself wide awake at 1.30 a.m. with a nicely warmed-up mind thinking about many things with an interest, almost obsession, that I have not had since secondary school.

Hahaha, I almost get a high from this feeling.

The world feels like a new, unknown place all over again, so many things to be discovered and to be learnt. So many ways to do something and so many ways to interpret the results we have. So many factors that shape the circumstances that influence the people and creates the results. So many priorities to choose, so much of everything. So much freedom when it comes to the mind.

I love this. I love this. I love this.

A great opponent is a gift. For it is through people like them that we realise our potential.

It has opened something in my head, cured my numbness and restored my curiosity.

In a way, the enemy is yourself, and the opponent is your friend who leads you to new heights.

Haha. Things are funny that way.

Life so far has been a long story with many ironic twists.

Missing you

2008-06-10T00:55:00.002+08:00

Only one more month till I go home.

Food . . .

Less than 700 days to go

2008-06-02T18:02:00.001+08:00

700 days to prepare for the rest of my life.

It doesn't feel like much.

Theme of the day

2008-05-12T16:51:00.003+08:00

Focus

As much as we can stand back to look at the big picture, we can concentrate on the little details. Hoping that every new perspective keeps me fascinated.

Hmph

2008-05-12T05:56:00.002+08:00

Memories are very good liars. They change themselves to suit their owners, telling them what they want to or expect to hear. It's scary.

Knowing that I might not remember right now as it really is frightens me.

The present may be all we have to enjoy the fruits of our labour.

Stones

2008-03-27T06:50:00.012+08:00

I had an amazing thought process today. I don't really know how to describe it yet, but it went something like this.

Would you prefer to

1. Take one step out of your routine path to step on an interesting pebble?
2. Put your entire life on hold to step the the biggest pebble there ever was (e.g. a mountain) far far away from your normal path?

Conventional, old-school survival thinking(?) thinks that they are both the same and both utterly pointless efforts. It doesn't feed you, or anyone else for that matter. However, I think that everyone thinks that there's something undeniably cool about doing #2. At this point, I want to say that I believe in natural selection (and how it preserves the things that are useful for our survival in the human race and allows whatever less useful traits to die out, blah, bli, blah).

Why then do we think that #2 is cool? Why do all of us do? Why did everyone before us? Something in our subconscious feels that #2 is amazing cool. Despite the heavy costs on the person undergoing it and the many responsibilities that he must have forgone. Damn . . . I just just messed up my train of thought.

#2 is cool only in the right situation. A person has to be in a enviable situation in a first place to be able to pull #2 off. And then the person must be cool himself to acutally pull it off. I bet all our subconsious minds picked that up long before our consious minds did. Or maybe it was just obvious to everyone else except to me because I haven't really been using my mind lately.

Yet another pointless discussion in my head. Or is it? Argh, I frustrate myself.

(Half an hour and a shower later)

Then again, the whole discussion was a metaphor for seemingly useless accomplishments. And all of us have our little own envious positions (another long discussion for another time). And all of us can do our own things are crazy hard for ourselves to accomplish, yet mean almost nothing from an outsider's perspective (The coolness of mountain climbing is well documented now, but I bet the very first guy to do it was labelled a psycho by his village waiting for food) . . . I am deviating.

What I'm trying to say is, although as Mr/Father/Uncle Time has shown us again and again the things, that lead to the sweeping statement that anything is possible, sometimes the issue of possibility is not as important as the issue of desire . . . in other words, I know I can, but I do I want it?

Therefore, sometimes I think that we all embark on our own little crazy adventures not to fill our bellies or impregnate the most amount of women, but to remind ourselves why we want to in the first place. Perhaps the view from the mountain shows you how beautiful the world is and makes you want to hug every tree in the world, turning you into a conservationist in an instant, or perhaps it's foggy and the cold up there makes you long for your girlfriend's IndoMee with fried egg, wanting you to make you go home to hug her instead.

Whatever it is, I believe one of our great strength (and seeming weakness) lies in our ability to do crazy stuff, just to inspire us to do another group of crazy stuff, so one so forth, until we do something that everyone just can't deny is absolutely amazing.

I mean, the first microorganism must have been a crazy guy to decide that he wanted to climb the pebble I didn't want to step on. What a hero he must have been if he indeed did climb that pebble. And if you're one of a certain kind of group of people, you might also believe that people came from the very organisms that I might have just discussed.

Anything's possible.

(after a night's sleep)

Sometimes we do things that no one understands, sometimes even we don't understand why we're doing it. Perhaps we were somehow brainwashed into doing it, perhaps some part of us just knows that this is the best/most exciting/safest way of doing things, all things considered.

In the uncertainty of crazy things to do, there are no limits holding us down, no failures of other to disuade us from giving up . . . only the tantalising promise of "what could be?", lingering in front of us.

There is no absolute right or wrong in crazy, simply because there is nothing to compare to. No one can really say for sure of the result, or what others will think of it.

However, not everything can be crazy. Crazy has a purpose and creativity devoid of fear of failure. Crazy has to be well-thought out and planned thoroughly in advance. Crazy is by definition, defying convention. Crazy is cool! Crazy is doing what you think needs to be done, despite what people are telling you. Crazy is smiling quietly to yourself because you think you are right.

Crazy must be so fun to implement.

Choices

2008-03-11T07:16:00.008+08:00

For an extremely stubborn guy with a huge ego, I can be very indecisive . . . sometimes.

Doing stuff that makes me happy, and that leaves happy memories have always been things that I did. But in my wiser (older) mind, I realise I can't have it all, as much as I deny it.

Some lines cannot be crossed . . . they can't . . . they just can't . . . I tell myself, all the while knowing that the best (and worst) things in my life happened because I crossed the very lines I set for myself.

Aha.

I just found the answer.

Haha, it's reasons like this that I have a blog.

Looking back, I had some of the best fun in my life breaking the rules I set for myself. Realising that I didn't need them lead me to unimagined freedom. Freedom of consience. It's an amazing feeling. It makes me laugh out loud. I did get into trouble sometimes though, but I'll do it all over again.

I used to do things one day that would scare the 'me' of the day before. What fun times. I just though, "What great times . . . but is it really past?". What if I can always be like this, but I allowed myself to become dull and boring? I remember lying on my bed at night, feeling surprised, amazed, excited at the person I was becoming.

Haha, turning nostalgia into drive . . .
Having come a long way is a bad excuse for slowing down.

Falling, I learnt to put my head up to take in the wind and watch the trees over zoom by, allowing myself to fall faster and faster. Brakes are for safety, not fear. There's a big difference and that's the answer I'm looking for.

Haha, it's all clear now. I'm not walking with my bike down the hill . . . but I'm not going to crash either. Not if I can do anything about it.

The voices calling out on both sides, telling me to slow down . . . they see the arrogance and speak out of concern, fearing I forgot my fear. My ego refuses to show them my worry. Our worry.

Why have a bike in the first place?

I shouldn't ignore the 'me' of yesterday cheering me on.

I'm not done yet.

Update Feb 2008

2008-02-25T19:33:00.002+08:00

I have never been happier.

My parents are healthy, and my brothers are studying hard, hopefully.

The girl I love is happy.

I somehow ended in medical school in London (I'm still amazed that I pulled it off)

The people I care about are my drive, my inspiration and my support for doing all that I want to do. They make my little achievements so much more meaningful. They keep the promise of doing all that I want to do worth it.

In the last few months I rediscovered my old hobby, the guitar. My housemates are probably sick of listening to me talking about it. It's how I spend most of my free time now, in music.

I think that I have finally proved to myself that I got my priorities right (thanks to endless and years of boring lectures from my parents, especially my dad) I'm just beginning to appreciate all the things he has done for me. He calls me a part of him.

A son's guilt grows with his age.

I think that it's a blessing to feel that life is too short and time passes too quickly. I feel this strongest now. There is never enough time for anything.

I'm used to being labelled a target of envy but I never felt that I deserve it more than now.

I only want for the wisdom to enjoy all this the best I can.

Eventually this feeling will turn into guilt, but until then . . .

I'm happy.

Waaahooooooooooo

2007-11-30T07:02:00.001+08:00

My guitar is finally on its way, haha.

Everyone, let's shout it Hard(o) Gay style!!!

WAAAAHHOOOOOO

Hopefully, it'll take a week to get here. Hopefully, it sounds good.

Oh yeah, by the way, I'm in new halls now. It's really nice, I get my own bathroom and I share a big kitchen with five other Malaysian. Shiok!

I'll upload pictures of my room later, here are some pictures from when I met up with Quain, Edbert and Yvonne last time.

Edbert's not in the picture with us, he was too busy . . .

. . . eating ice cream!

But we caught up in time to be paparazzi

And then, suddenly Rima and Irfan showed up?!
Haha, actually I met up with them after dessert with Edberto and Quiany and Yveevy.

Irfan swearing his love for Malaysia

I'm tired

2007-10-24T17:27:00.000+08:00

Last Wednesday:

Irfan came, took him to Hamleys, Covent Garden and British Museum. I had good chinese buffet dinner at Kowloon at Chinatown. The beginning of the end for my feet.

Last Thursday:

Prish, Shankari and Imeshi came, I feel asleep waiting for them, too groggy to say hi properly. Rested my feet. Girls seemed happy to be in London. Irfan crashed in my small room.

Last Friday:

I gave them a tour of central London. I'm quite proud of the route I chose that day, we went to three different parks, Harrods, the palace, Westminster Abbey, Parliment Building, Oxford Street and Bond Street. Dinner at Khan's near Bayswater, followed by a one hour walk past Tower Bridge along the river. Irfan slept on the floor again.

Last Saturday

Aik Wye, Wen Yuen and Jassie came, along with the three Eugenes and Audrey (whom I just met) Girls went shopping, we went for donuts, bummed around St James' Park till dinner at Four Seasons, where we bumped into Nick, Angie's BF. Hong Yuen let me crash at his place.

Sunday

Aik Wye and Wen Yuen missed the train. I went to the bookstore at 10 a.m. forgetting that it opens on 12.30 p.m. on Sundays. There was a line of people outside LV half and hour before it opened.
I went to Andrew AY's place. We played Wii until his mom brought us out for Royal China Dim Sum. I got home in time for dinner and bed.

Monday

I went to Denmark Street aka music shop street. Set myself to 300 pounds maximum for one guitar, which I thought was plenty. After one hour, only liked one guitar selling for 350 pounds. Five hours later found my perfect guitar. This experience I will write in detail:

I have already spent a few hours trying brand new guitars without much success of finding one I can really enjoy playing. I tried the second hand and vintage guitar shops, saw a few good Martin guitar and stayed far far away from the Gibson ones. Nothing that I particularly liked though.

I went to a second shop of the same kind out of desperation as the sun was beginning to set. The acoustic guitars were all the way in the back of the shop where i met the friendliest guys of the day. One Scottish, One American and one British bloke. American was shopping the other two were working.

I told the Scottish guy about my lousy search for a guitar and he made me realise that every guitar has so many characteristics that finding the right combination can take a really long time. He showed me lots of guitars. I found two that I thought was close to what I wanted and I told him, "somewhere in between these two". He picked us this really old, cracked guitar and I found exactly what I was looking for. I was so impressed by him and so happy to just sit down with it.

A few minutes later, I looked for the brand and read 'Gibson'. I checked the price and my bliss abruptly ended. 1500 pounds for a 7 year old guitar. Sigh, I thanked him, told him it was way way out of my budget and left.

I went to all the shops I visited before and I asked about the amazing J-160E. It costs 2000 pounds brand new. I also found another guitar, the J-45 Rosewood . . . so beautiful. It's slighty cheaper than the J-160E, due to lack of some electronic stuff, but the tone is soo good. Gibsons really are the best. But their prices are the worst.

I went to meet Quain, Aunty Janice, Sue I, Andrew AY and two of his friends for dinner at Mandarin Kitchen. Aunty ordered lobster noodles for us. It got a little late and Aunty Janice let me stay at their place for the night. I dreamt about the freaking guitar that night.

Tuesday

Woke up earlier than the others to research the two guitars and I became lost in all the technicalities of the guitars. Couldn't find the guitars for any cheaper, even in Singapore or Malaysia (I called them up). Aunty Janice cooked brunch for me and Andrew and we played golf and tennis on the Wii till I left for tennis practise, which made me stop thinking about it for a few hours, I had so much fun playing tennis. Got home and my feet really hurt from a whole week of fun. I looked up the guitars some more till I slept.

Wednesday

Blogging now and after watching youtube videos and listening to the sounds of the guitars, I like J-45 rosewood better.

Oh yeah, I kinda got the week off.

*Update: I bought it. Pictures here

St. Georges

2007-09-03T01:19:00.000+08:00

'Ello.

Due to the overwhelming number of readers asking for the return of this blog(1 out of 1) and my current state of waiting-for-my-laundry to dry, I have given in to popular demand.

I haven't gotten my laptop connected to the network yet, so pictures later.

So far, so fun. Georges is a huge, impressive hospital and medical school. Maybe I'm easily impressed. Staff here are friendly and helpful and my current hostel is 15 minutes away from the underground train station of Tooting Broadway, which itself is 20 minutes way from central London.

Looks like plenty of trips there for donuts, duck and chocolate over the weekends.

I think I'll be really happy here. I'm quite depressed right now because my girlfriend is in malaysia. She's a year my junior so we'll see where she ends up. I tell people I'm okay if she's not coming to St. Georges too, but actually I really want her to come.

Class has been crazy, 9 to 5 everyday with most of the shops closing at 5. I'm still trying not to feel offended when the shopkeepers close as soon as I come out from class. "Come back tomorrow at 5" but I can't! "Sorry sir, come back tomorrow"

I went to Central London with Yi wei yesterday and did a whirlwind tour. We went to the Borough Market.

*Silence*

...

From now on, here's what I'll say after mentioning Borough Market.

*Silence*

...

I behave this way because after living in Cambridge for a year and a half and having my bad opinion of English food reinforced again and again (no offence, I love Cambridge), I have been completely shocked when I went to Borough Market.

*Silence*

...

The amount, variety, and quality of food there was . . . I can't find a word for it, insert your own superlative. There was, I don't know where to begin . . . fresh seafood, where you can buy raw oysters and eat them on the spot, lime provided, rows and rows of pastry and sweets, a mind boggling selection of cheeses, hawkers selling all kinds of meat, bread and cheese combination of foods . . . I could go on and on. In summary, I would call it a huge market/outdoor restaurant made of many many different owners. Fresh food with fantastic cooking. Insert own word of exclamation. I love Borough Market.

*Silence*

...

After that we went to try to get my flight tickets but MAS was closed, then we walked along Oxford Street, joining the huge Saturday crowd, where do they all come from? Ah, over tere! Tube Stationz? . . . oh, that muz bee ze entranze to thayr nest! Ah, theze's tu many auf tem. Nooo. Thay ave got me.

We then ate Roast Duck at Gold Mine at Bayswater, thanks to Tracy for the info, and I enjoyed myself greatly. All in all, a great day for food. I would like to mention that Yi Wei has notable culinary ability.

Come find me in London! All you people who left the Leys! I'm here! Weehee . . . I'm thinking of Krispy Kreme. I forgot to stop by yesterday. Ha! You cannot escape me forever, you crispy-on-the-outside-yet-soft-and-creamy-on-the-inside-donut! I shall find you and eat you! Your sweet soft curves are belong to me!

I'm happy, but missing my girlfriend, family, friends and KL very much.

That's all for now. Oh yeah, I'm finally practising my truly mediocre cooking. I feel independent, the lousy currency exchange rate makes me feel poor.

They write my name here as Kuan Eng Tan and St Georges shortens it to Kuan Tan. That was fine until I found that there is another Kuan Tan here. *Gasp* I have stolen someone's identity! Oh no, what shall I do? I now have a double life?

I miss my girlfriend.

First Post in a long time

2007-05-16T12:35:00.000+08:00

I feel like a new guy compared to a few years ago.

I don't blog much anymore. Thanks for reading my blog so far and commenting on it all this time, everyone.

I started this blog because I was bored and confused. Now I can see that there's so much to do. The people generous enough to spend their time with me have shown me that there's always a better way to everything. When that better way can not be found, I can create it. Systems and ideas are just replacements, till a better one comes along.

I don't really know what has happened to me, but I really feel like a new guy. Not different, but a improved version of my former self.

I like people more easily, entrust myself to people more easily, and have more faith in everyone, including myself. I do not torture myself with guilt and morality anymore. Concepts of human construct for people who do not understand that our actions ripple endlessly to each other, good or bad.

There I go again, rambling on and on. I really have to go back to studying. I'm really looking forward to enjoying my holidays with everyone of my friends.

Love and miss you all.

oh yeah

2007-03-07T14:30:00.000+08:00

Update:

1. I went to the Wang Lee Hom concert. It was everything I expected. I only regretted not buying the most expensive seats. Or sucking up to my brother's friend to get VI passes/

*Wo Ai Wang Lee Hom!!! AAaaaAAAAaaa*

2. I finally finished assembling all the furniture in my room. A gigantic curved table and two humongous wardrobes, one chest of drawers and two shelves. It doesn't sound like alot but it is. A Spartan I no longer am.

The New Year so far

2007-01-28T19:54:00.000+08:00

I noticed that I haven't posted anything yet this year.

Hmm, I feel like I'm on holiday. All I did today was watch Heroes, sleep and eat. Ah, the good life.

It feels like there isn't enough time (then again, there never is). I want to do nothing and relax, go out, have fun and study all at the same time.

I think I need to try harder to have fun. I've been feeling stressed out lately.

It's amazing how dependent I am on my girlfriend (although she has no idea).

I sat down and thought today. 'No man is an island' made me smile when it crossed my mind.

I think too much.

Sometimes, I think I am mad. Not in the irrational dangerous way, but in the irrational overachieving way. Only some people know this side of me (insert dramatic music).

Most friends know me as a carefree, easygoing guy who loves anything that pleasures the senses. . . which I am most of the time.

Then there's another side of me that endlessly plans for a multitude of eventualities and obsesses over the most trivial of details.

I think I've developed a personality that is selectively perfectionistic, if there is such a word.

When I do something I like, I throw myself into it, trying to apply every previous learning experience I have into the present, whilst coming up with new solutions and trying to analyse my actions in parallel. An exhausting habit, but one I cannot resist, even if only for the mental challenge.

The times when I'm not like that, however, I become an art loving, romantic, food crazy, sweet talking guy.

I find myself curious. These two contrasting sides of me have existed since my first memories. In one, I am self-serving and ruthless, in another, I am kind, caring and selfless.

About the perfectionist side, I entertain the possibility that it exists for the most common reason, to give myself comfort in doing things exactly as I like them . . . then again I entertain other possibilities. I confuse myself.

However, I have often been told that it was my nature to be generous and concerned, worried even, of other people. I truly believe them, but I can also think of examples when I was far less than virtuous.

Perhaps this discussion in my head is meaningless. I was never meant to merge these two sides into one, allow both to exist and using which ever side served my needs or conscience. Or perhaps I am young, impressionable, inexperienced and confused by the many paths that too much thinking has shown to me.

Perhaps there is only one best way to do things all the time, and I lack the conviction to do it. Principles, I think it is called. Oh, how difficult this concept of principles is to adhere to.

Principles. I imagine that it's made just to satisfy that annoying thing call conscience.

Perhaps I just need to chill and let things happen naturally.

Christmas party

2006-12-26T13:42:00.000+08:00

21st December : celebrated with girlfriend, good indian food, forgot to take pictures till after dinner

22nd December : went to Singapore to celebrate Nick Chee's birthday, haven't eaten so much for a while, guy in front of me was challenging me with food, spent the next day touring Singapore's shopping centres

24th December : went to Chen Hui's and Chip Hui's Christmas party, followed by mamak and lots of roti tisu

25th december : finally fell asleep from exhaustion, snored the whole day, dreamt sweet dreams

Ben's entry #2

2006-12-18T11:57:00.000+08:00

hello!
Today, i'll show you pictures of things around the house, woof.
This is my master's car
These are my master's brothers. The car belongs to the guy on the left. His name is Kuan Hoe.
Kuan Hoe likes this car very much, he decorated it with little cutesy stuff inside.
This is my master, he feeds me bananas.
Bye! woof.

Hi, my name is Ben

2006-12-18T11:41:00.000+08:00

This is me . . .

I like bananas, gimme bananas

This is my gangster face when you don't give me bananas

This is my puppy dog face to get my master to let me in

Kuan Eng Land

2006-12-05T09:29:00.000+08:00

I'm currently searching for furniture for my room. I don't know how I lived for to months without a wardrobe . . . I think that's what my dad thinks too, because a few days ago, he came with a huge bunch of indian guys (according to my maid) in the middle of the night to move two of the most disgusting wardrobes into my room while I was asleep in it. I did not wake up, despite there being lots of shoving and heaving. A testament to my powers of detachment.

Anyway, now I'm panicking that these wardrobes might slowly be accepted by me, in time, therefore in a very mature, leisurely manner I ran to Ikea the very next day looking for a damn good displacement.

I chose the best one I could find. Hopen, it's called . . . and it fits into corners, wow.

I'm still a little undecided about the table, though.

Genting

2006-10-25T16:54:00.000+08:00

Last weekend, I went to Genting with Lydia and Audrey, lots of fun.

I drove all the way up there, which turned out to be a mistake because it wasn't long before the two girls ganged up on me.

Lydia : " (blah blah) and he doesn't listen to me!"
Audrey : "I know!!! don't you hate it when he (blah blah)"
Lydia : "YEAH! It's so annoying (blah blah)

I was driving as fast as I could safely.

We spent two days day, the first night at Taylor's Business School's prom, which Audrey invited us to.

I was a little worried about sitting on a table with strangers because Audrey sat somewhere else, but there were these people Roger and Fin who were there with us. Roger (nice guy, I'm sure I know him from somewhere but I can't remember where) was from TBS and Fin was from New Zealand, accent and all. Auckland, I think. It was fun talking to them, I had a great time because they were so funny.

Still haven't figured out how I know Roger, but I got his number for when I remember. He was so happy that he won something from the lucky draw, then not so happy when he realised that everyone did. Through some big coincidence, Lydia's childhood friend ended up on the table next to ours.

The two of us spent the next day, doing nothing really. Too bad it rained, Lydia really wanted to go to the outdoor theme park, I was secretly happy inside. In the whole park, I've only ever enjoyed the paddle boat ride. I promised to bring her to a theme park though . . . someday.

Sorry guys, it's been a long time since I blogged. I think an update is in order.

1. My dog's name is Ben (as some of you already know), he's three months old now and I love him. He's beyond adorable, I'm suggesting that the dictionaries make a new word just to describe him. Something along the lines of cute, huggable, sweet, handsome, regal . . . . I could go on and on.

2. Life's good, I feel more mature now. The girlfriend has been great, she's my missing conscience.

3. I feel that time's precious now more than ever. Opportunity when not found, can be made with guts and creativity. I don't know where I found this optimism, but heck, I'm thankful I have it.

4. Time changes stuff. Things get more complicated, but real friends could understand with little explanation

5. I worry that I'm starting to talk like a woman . . . heck, it's okay if it only happens on my blog.

Update

2006-09-26T11:44:00.000+08:00

My last exam was a resit and it took a huge chunk of my energy away.

I'm recovering now and I'm living the life. I want show pictures . . . which I hope I will upload soon.

Hope everyone had a great holiday!!!

Freedom

2006-08-31T11:28:00.000+08:00

Exams are over.

I can't relax yet, I (rightly) put off doing stuff that came up during exams and now I'm stressed all over again trying to sort my schedule out.

I got thrown into Keong Wee's pool yesterday, but I brought someone down with me.

Happy Merdeka.

Puppy

2006-07-24T18:37:00.000+08:00

There's a puppy for me at the breeder's house. It's about two weeks old.

It was rather curious and was licking everything.

Its mother wasn't lactating and honestly, I'm a little worried. His coat is a beautiful gold colour, and if Mr. Gan finds no big faults with him when he's a month old, I'm taking him home.

I've got quite a bit of stuff to buy for the new house and hopefully, I'll have to go shopping for puppy stuff as well.

I'm excited.

Facial

2006-07-06T01:16:00.000+08:00

Facials hurt.

I have a red nose since this morning.

My nose feels clean.

The stuff coming out looked like mini strands of spaghetti. Cool, in a disgusting sort of way.

I can't get over how cleans my nose feels . . . it even feels lighter . . .

The ditzy girl who gave me the facial complained that she was close to puking . . . I feel no sympahy, it was entirely her idea in the first place.

I should be studying.

I feel like singing Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.

I wish I have antlers . . . and can fly . . . and not have exams.

. . . Rudolph the Red nosed Reindeerrrrr . . . had a very shiny noseeee . . .

Don't feel neglected

2006-06-22T17:34:00.001+08:00

I have huge exams in mid july.

I'll meet you all who have come back from UK after that.

Logic and Romantic

2006-06-04T19:41:00.000+08:00

The lights are off. The ring is empty.

Logic is off to learn about random stuff and look at the world in wonder. Just like he used to.

Romantic is off to plan dates and probably thinking happy thoughts. Just like he always wanted.

Looks like they won't be fighting anytime soon.

Post Exam

2006-06-04T15:01:00.000+08:00

Hmm . . .

I am broke, mostly because I have been eating out so often . . . and I have been eating so much. I haven't exercised for two whole weeks.

Argh! Flab! Fight it! Fight it!

My jogging shoes need to be replaced.

I'm thinking of sushi . . . and creampuffs.

Okay, I'll try to be nice

2006-05-20T08:01:00.000+08:00

Someone told me last night that apparently, I'm cold towards some of my friends . . . especially the girls. I don't like being one of those guys who flirts with every girl he sees, so perhaps over time, I have developed this habit. Also, I can be quite blur when it comes to girls.

But, maybe it's true . . . perhaps I should try to be more friendly.

Post script : due to the comments about this post, the 'perasan' part of this post has been removed.

Silly Me

2006-05-19T11:15:00.000+08:00

I can make things really complicated for myself without good reason. I don't know why I do that.

I should chill out more and take things slow.

Searching

2006-05-16T05:16:00.000+08:00

A long time ago, I wrote a letter to a friend. In it, I wrote a rhyme. It was something like this:

I am, among the sky of stars, a wanderer.
The endlessness, it stretches out forever.
Traveling clouds, they hide my treasure,
And in the emptiness, lie countless pretenders.
But I know what I seek, for you showed it to me.
When I find it, then a wanderer, I will no longer be.

Since then, the wanderer has learnt that it's dangerous to stop and ask for advice.

Wheeey

2006-05-15T09:58:00.000+08:00

I found a bed and a chair. The materials of both is just right and the colours are perfect for what I have in mind for my room. I also came across an expensive although unbelievably comfortable mattress. Thanks to Lydia for saving me from the sadness of shopping alone.

Yesterday, I celebrated my birthday with a huge lunch and a simple dinner.

AC VR Irf Isk Rima MLee Amy Ldydy

Thanks to everyone who came.

Hmm . . yes, yes, very good. . .

2006-05-09T20:39:00.000+08:00

I have an 'aunty' neighbour whose gastronomic preferences I personally find questionable. Perhaps I have just not learnt to appreciate food her way yet.

Yesterday however, she gave my mom a delightfully exquisite loaf of whole grain bread. The texture was like nothing I had before, crumbs fall freely with every bite, giving little indication of its softness. The bread turns to mush in the mouth, allowing the toasted wholegrain to be briefly tasted before they both mix together into cereal pleasure. Beautiful.

So beautiful, that I think I over-ate even by my standards. I think I shall go jogging/ swimming tomorrow extra long to compensate.

With bread like this, I strongly think that it should only be eaten plain or with good margarine . . . maybe a glass of milk.

(Taste improve with good company)

The problem with me

2006-05-07T19:08:00.000+08:00

I went for a jog this morning in a nice neighbourhood and talked for a while with a girl who was walking her golden retriever. During the jog . . . I was thinking about stuff.

I want everything to be perfect . . . and I let the good things pass me by.

I should look at situations separately as they are and not mix them up into a huge mess.

Sometimes I feel kinda miserable living in Subang . . . it's really not my kind of place. Also, I have made a certain commitment that eats away at my time and takes a little of my freedom as long as I stay in Subang. I have not done as much as I have because of this. I can't adequately explain how much I want to move to the new place in PJ.

My life for the past few months have been a little too dramatic for my liking and I won't explain too much into this mysterious commitment, it'll suffice to say that I can only live my life the way I want to after I move.

Until that time comes, I tried distracting myself by focusing my attention on girls and it all ended up in disaster. I compromised my principles in a period of diminished judgement and I deserved the rubbish that happened to me, in a way.

I want my friends overseas to come back. Until then, I think I'll distract myself by shopping for my new house furniture.

Mountain climbers are mad

2006-05-03T18:08:00.000+08:00

I went mountain climbing up Mount Stong with Andrew Cheah and Irfan. I cut myself in a few places after falling down a few times, Andrew used his hands to stop his falls and Irfan was completely at home with running up and down the mountain. We went up the Ayam peak to be greeted by no scenery (trees were blocking any sort of view) and a broken sign to tell us that we have arrived. The slippery mud on the way up was definitely the worst part of the climb.

The three of up slept in the same tent, AC's uncle brought us there with his three friends and they slept in a hut. The adults were nice, they cooked every meal for us.

Climbing a mountain is freaking difficult, especially this one, because we have to go downhill a few times and compensate for it later.

We kept clean (if you can say that) at the part of the river just before a spectacular waterfall that could be seen from miles away.

We layed at the top of the waterfall, admiring the night sky, and it was breathtaking. Malaysia is a great place for stargazing due to its position on the globe. We were above the clouds and it was almost completely dark. I saw a shooting star and made a wish.

On the last morning, something happened and it gave me new energy. Together with a few people, including Irfan, we climbed the highest waterfall in South East Asia. Andrew stayed at the lower falls to accompany the adults.

The morning has broken . . .

2006-04-26T08:58:00.000+08:00

What nice way to wake up.

I ate hiew pia (literal translation: sweet smelling biscuits) for breakfast, my aunty neighbour came over to telling us she's taking me to one of my favourite restaurants for lunch tomorrow, I'm bashing the strings on my guitar, and I'm repairing my long broken PS2 in about an hour or so.

One of the few ways I can enjoy this morning more is having dim sum or having a dog to annoy me, hoping for a morning walk.

The big boss is busy and he doesn't want me to commit to the golden retrievers yet, being the super - cautious guy that he is . . .

However, if I don't pay the deposit soon, I might not get the dog at all.

So, I'm paying the deposit without him knowing, despite him telling me specifically not to.

He might be mad . . . looks like another lecture is coming my way.

There has been a theft!

2006-04-24T08:55:00.000+08:00

I stole this off Hsu Phie's blog.

In other news, I managed to squeeze two people into the passenger seat of the Z4. It was particularly exciting when we were passing by a hotel hosting an international conference and there were lots of lots of traffic policemen. Audrey and Kelly freaked out and bent down to hide their faces. =)

Break

2006-04-22T04:53:00.000+08:00

Finished an exam yesterday and almost immediately went to celebrate Puvesh's Birthday.

We spent the rest of the day at Sunway Lagoon. I chickened out from the scarier rides. =) I loved the water rides though (dinghy slide, log flume and river rapids) I got so wet. Hsu Phie and I got stuck on the dinghy =).

Puvesh Calvin Daphne Prish YiChuan PeiShan HsuPhie JengHau Diana KhayWei Kathleen

I have to remember to get pictures from one of them.

We had dinner at Kim Gary's.

This post is really early, if anyone noticed. I slept as soon as I came home and I dreamt about Clemens, Ash, and the rest of the non-Malaysian Leysians. I miss them quite a bit and I haven't seen any of them since the Leys with the exception of Edbert Fan and Enoch Lam.

I think I'll ask Quain to give me pictures of the Leys I don't already have.

I'm an idiot really. I always thought of myself as a free guy, running off to wherever I want to. The older I get, the more pointless it now feels. I should be spending all my free time running off to see the great friends I've made. I want to keep them all. As of this moment, there's no reason for me to continue medicine in Canada, only UK. I blame the Malaysians and Hong Kong natives studying there.

I remember having so much fun during the snowball fights. Manaf shoved snow down my pants, Ash and Edbert took revenge by helping him (I was really hitting them with the snowballs). The next year, we had Horace and Enoch to join us.

Soundtrack of the day : David Tao (relaxing stuff that makes me remember stuff overseas)

Big boss

2006-04-17T09:20:00.000+08:00

He turned 54 yesterday. We went to Klang to celebrate with seafood.

The boss ordered eight (8!) dishes for the five of us, including a whole fish and two crabs. He brought two bottles of wine, and my underaged youngest brother brought a bottle of his own.

Everything was looking like my dad was to enjoy his meal tremendously . . . but he had an appointment with his cardiologist on the 18th. Haha, poor guy. =)

The dinner table was a exhibition on what-not-to-eat-when-you-have-high-cholestrol, so all he did was sample a little omelette and wine. He spent the rest of the time cracking jokes with the restaurant staff (I definitely inherited it from him).

After the wine was chilled enough, "Ah moi, buang ais ini . . . jangan biar orang minum"
When trying to open the bottle, he picked up the lady boss's car key, "Ei, corkscrew?"

Even the joker of the family, the middle brother couldn't stop himself from laughing.

My dad didn't have too many complaints about life on the other side of 50, except "Hey son, EVERYONE calls me uncle now!"

Unfair

2006-04-14T21:07:00.000+08:00

I'm a lucky guy.

In fact, I'm so lucky I've gotten away with building a bubble around my life. Nothing goes in or out, unless I allow it and I'm free to shape and decorate the inside of my bubble as I desire.

This crossed my mind last night, and it kept me up till dawn.

I grew up thinking everything is equal. But it isn't true, as I later learnt. No matter how we try to fight it, we are victims of circumstance. No one can attest to that as well as people like me.

Let's say that I have been handed a good deck of cards, and with this deck, I'm expected to win. No one knows how good a player I really am, no one think it matters . . . because I have what I need to win.

With this deck I build my bubble, fueling my ego and claiming my superiority. I do it so often and for so long that I believe it is I who gave me the confidence to win, not the cards.

And thus far, the story seems familiar to the point of redundancy . . . but there another side, there always is.

When I received my cards, I sparked the envy of others and the fall of myself. The way I see it, the cards were not given to me, it is the other way round.

Through a twisted stroke of luck, I was locked into a situation where not only was it implausible for me to lose, it was impossible for me to want to.

With the same stroke, my personality, ability, grace, etc were branded irrelevant. As far as the game was concerned, they really were. Only the cards mattered and only the cards received attention, and I rejoiced in that.

Let's imagine that this happens as it always does, I stay self indulged and cocky, and announce my greatness. The truth of the matter is, in that game, everything I was . . . my confidence, my humour, the target of other's envy (me), were not my doing . . . I had nothing to do with it. I was nothing but the manifestation of the circumstances that conceived me.

So there's the great dilemma. For this persona, free will does not exist . . . his entire being that controls what is called free will is just the result of a rare sequence of events that made him. Events that allow me to build my bubble.

He will never know the freedom of countless ways of losing due to ignorance. Only the best way to win, with grace and humility, because it is a way he knows and a way he believes is best. He thinks he chose this course of action, but he is wrong. In a person of his position, it is unthinkable for him to behave in any way else. Unacceptable even.

And so, even if he is aware of his unique position, even if he understands fully his eternal prison, he will not try to escape, because this prison is the best place he can hope to be. He was put there, and taught to realise this good fortune.

And if he stays content and his wonder does not encounter his mind, he will stay in the highest of spirits in his place.

And so, it would seem that everything is perfect . . . but it is not.

An inescapable product of his education is the conceiving of ideas, which was given to allow him enjoyment of his prison, but through it, he discovered the quiet pride of personal achievement. Making something out of yourself. He thinks it is the greatest thing a man can hope to do.

Although he has everything he needs to achieve that goal, he understands that it has always happened with, and only with, the right dealing of cards.

If you understand the complexity of this problem, you'll understand the viciousness of the cycle. As attainable as the dream becomes, the more he realises that the realisation of the dream cannot possibly be his doing.

For him to truly attain the most profound of achievements, the bubble must be burst and the cards must be dealt again.

But he will never do that, and never know if he could have done it. He doesn't understand the motivation to do so. He has stayed in his heaven prison, looking down on the less privileged for so long, that he truly believes that it is impossible without the cards.

The dream then seems ethereal, not of this world.

To lose the cards would be to doom himself, to keep them would be to keep him unfulfilled.

Silly Brothers

2006-04-10T19:09:00.000+08:00

The little clowns are practicing monkey faces in the mirror, then running around the house to show it to everyone.

Now to more important matters

2006-04-10T08:32:00.000+08:00

I have figured out why my back aches every once in a while.

My body somehow ends up on my belly when I sleep, which causes my spine to bent in awkward positions.

Therefore, last night I took a few steps to keep myself sleeping on my back and I felt very nice when I woke up.

Haha, I'm off to the pool.

Your answer

2006-04-07T16:05:00.000+08:00

I don't know what I first notice in a girl.

I can tell you, however, I am not one for love at first sight. I think it's horribly unfair and silly.

If a girl's sensuality is the cause of my desires, then her personality is the reason for my affection.

She has to know that perfection does not exist, both in me and her, and accept that as much I as I do.

She will not be like countless other girls who look towards romance to fulfill some grandiose fantasy for self-gratification they might harbour.

She believes in love.

She thinks that revenge and dwelling on anger is immature and believes in being honest. She knows building trust takes time and effort.

Why am I still single? Take a guess. I think just described a rarity of a girl.

Damn

2006-04-06T18:39:00.000+08:00

I guess Romantic and Logic are tired of waiting and fighting. They let their guard down, and allowed something to happen that shouldn't have.

If the finished diamond is in short supply, unpolished gems seem so much prettier.

The fact that I've been going through a particularly trying(mentally exhausting) few months doesn't exactly make Logic as sharp as he used to be. That is no overstatement, and I'll give details once it's all over . . . in another few months.

I compromised, I settled, I gave up, and I failed. Logic first, then Romantic.

"Much ado about nothing" has new meaning, so does "Things are different from how they seemed after spending a year away"

When I get the chance, I'm going to go on a proper holiday and get the old Kuan Eng back.

That guy who used to care about everything . . . in between enjoying good food and sweating the calories off.

There's a lot of studying till then though. Sigh. As a certain Mahesh once said (quite a few times actually), "Kuan Eng, medicine is serious business"

Ha, right he is.

We already have all the tools we need, so no excuses.

(My brothers are watching a movie where Mandy Moore is running around Venice with a guy, and I can name some of the streets and tell where they are. There's a scene with the sun setting over a bridge I believe is called Rialto and I remember promising myself I'll bring a girl with me the next time I go there. Sigh, that's a looong time away)

I want to punch someone

2006-04-06T05:32:00.000+08:00

I keep waking up really early and I don't know why.

Perhaps I'm getting stressed.

&%#@ exams.

Common sense must prevail sometime . . .

2006-04-04T18:21:00.000+08:00

No Golf GTI for me.

I shall settle for the practical, unassuming car, the Honda Civic.

The decision was made today when I saw a mad male person do a seriously dangerous maneuver with his motorcycle, and I realised . . . that was exactly what I did when I test drove the Golf today.

The Golf made me laugh with its madness today, too. I guess not everything's worth the money they cost.

At the end of it, a car's a car. Perhaps it's a case of a relatively down-to-earth car for guy in need of some down-to earthness.

Also, Mr Amiruddin a.k.a Car Salesman. If you are reading this, I'm slightly sorry for tossing a man your age around the seat of the car during the test drive.

IMU ball

2006-04-02T16:38:00.000+08:00

I went to the ball yesterday.

I had a good time.

=)

Wise men have (extremely) curly hair

2006-03-30T20:45:00.000+08:00

After my lenses were in my eyes, I proceeded to do the normal thing I do when I'm bored during lectures . . . try new things I can get stuck in Afroid's hair (Syed again).

If I haven't told you about this . . . you really should ask me about it. Today we managed to get my glasses and a highlighter suspended in his mystical curliness. I couldn't get my car keys stuck though.

Anyway, he gave me some very good perspective on the female mind. Some things in the past make sense now. Like why that girl who seemed so perfect ran away, or why the girls who liked me just won't stop doing so.

how art mine eyes?

2006-03-30T20:42:00.000+08:00

Today, Afro-Man (Syed) and Singaporean (Ma-thu-Rima-Rai) brought me to get some contact lenses.

I had trouble putting it into my own eyes, so Syed opened them while Rima put the lenses in.

I love them. I have a wider range of vision and all that.

=)

I'm lucky to have friends that shove things into my eyes.

Yaay

2006-03-26T18:56:00.000+08:00

I've almost completed a project I set for myself.

Hahaha.

Good thing I started early.

Crash

2006-03-26T08:10:00.000+08:00

I watched Crash yesterday morning when I couldn't sleep. It's possibly one of the best movies I've ever seen.

*spoilers*

I don't think any movie has tried to discuss racism quite as well as this one has. It seemed more like a result than a cause.

There was also a scene where a girl tries to protect her father, and no movie has made me cry before.

It's really good. Everyone should watch it.

Sorry, we're out of knights

2006-03-24T08:03:00.000+08:00

If chivalry was a religion, people are converting away.

It's rare to find these old-fashioned guys. Girls are seemingly surprised to be treated courteously. I feel that it's a shame, really.

Too bad, I kinda liked the idea.

Low on sugar

2006-03-21T11:02:00.000+08:00

I interviewed a patient yesterday. I ran out of questions to ask the guy, so the teaching doctor told me to let someone else have a go.

On my way to the chair, she asked me,"When did you eat your lunch?" I replied that I didn't.

She said, "No wonder . . . you looked hypoglycemic after every question"

That jargonous word up there meant low blood sugar level.

Apparently, I missed 90% of the hints my friends were throwing in my direction. Even when I did catch them, I asked them out loud to repeat what they said.

It would have been funny to me too, if I was aware of what was happening at the time. I was also called a hero for being a joker.

I shouldn't skip lunch again.

I want something to strangle

2006-03-20T09:54:00.001+08:00

@&%# finish already!!

It's the house, once again.

Good news first. We've done a good job with the house so far. We turned all the rooms into nice rectangular shapes, changed the entire roof, rebuilt the staircase . . . and lots of smaller stuff as well.

Bad news is, it's not ready. Not even close, contrary to what I've been telling practically everyone I know. Graarr.

My dad doesn't seem to be very good at math, despite being a reasonably well-off businessman.
He told me a few days ago with a smile, "Son, it'll be ready in about two months"

Now for those of you who remember . . . it's exactly what he said last year!!!!! I heard it and parroted it to practically everyone I know!!! (excuse me while I fake an epileptic fit)

If I become reasonable, I can see why there's the delay . . . he's pouring a lot of effort into this house, and I keep suggesting to him that he changes this and that, which he does . . .

I just want to move now!!! . . . but I also want to tell him to give the TV room some sound insulation.

To be continued, the house that never completes.

Wow

2006-03-17T21:37:00.000+08:00

Every so often, we get surprised. Some events more so than others.

Rarely so often however, we follow through with an amused smile.

A rarity that behaves unexpectedly is always an interesting find, at least to me.

It's exactly that which has caught my attention . . . =)

I'm still sick

2006-03-12T10:20:00.000+08:00

It is times like this that I realise food cannot be taken for granted.

Food like:

1. Sushi
2. Steak (ideally medium, NZ tenderlion)
3. Dim Sum in the morning (I love those steamed prawn dumplings)
4. Creamy Pasta

Funny how I sill have food cravings when I'm sick.

I've been cooped up at home for the past three days . . . it's getting a little boring staring at my books.

In-te-rest-ing

2006-03-10T13:44:00.000+08:00

The big boss of the house has been playing around with the idea of buying me another car. He doesn't like me driving the sports car to dodgy places around KL, especially after the theft of his prized Estima last year.

In my bacterial infection induced state today, I bought a car mazagine on the trip to the doctors, looking for a good buy. After checking some specs and prices on the internet, I think I've found it.

It's going to be a practical car, everyday car, okay . . . don't be expecting another sports car. Although it does have two doors . .

I'll test drive it after my coming exams.

Hmm

2006-03-09T18:44:00.000+08:00

I think I'm starting to get it now.

Everyone needs a metaphorical rock, I think. Someone we can go to when we're not feeling so great. Even if we don't really like the person in that special kind of way.

I guess it's alright if one gets hurt, blah ,blah . .

I just finished my Moral exams. For the first time in my life, I learnt something revelant to the real world. Amazing. Unexpected though.

I like my blog . . . it's a great way to pass the time.

The one about feelings

2006-03-07T21:08:00.000+08:00

I usually have strong feelings or nothing at all. Like today.

I burned my very first music CD. It was supposed to be for a friend, but now I'm keeping it for myself. The reason is guilt. Overwhelmingly so.

I hope she understands. All those anti-piracy messages have gotten to me, I think. It doesn't feel wrong to download music for my own pleasure though, maybe it's because I buy the CDs I really like (sometimes even the ones I end up not liking very much)

But burning CDs I already have for a friend? Argh.

It doesn't help that there is at least one musician I really like and want to see do well, not least because I really believe in what he's trying to do.

What can I say? Guilt comes easily for me. I remain unapologetic.

Too much pleasure is lonely

2006-03-05T14:36:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I enjoy something very much. Food for example. I can enjoy it like no one else I know (someone jokingly asked me to marry her because I never seem to complain about food), whereas other people just gulp it all and wash it down with Coke or whatever.

As someone roughly pointed out, no one is wrong or right, it's just different approaches to the same objective.

However, sometimes I would like to comment about how something is differently better than what I had before but I hold my tongue, because the rest of the table are already wolfing down on their food, oblivious to the care taken to create the textures and tastes of what passes right past their tongue. It can get a little lonely for me then.

Slow the pace a little, please.

Good thing is, situation above doesn't happen very often. Almost all the time, I enjoy my company immensely when I eat and I think, sometimes, my company enjoys watching me eat. Apparently, it's quite cute. Flattery, haha.

Some of you might be very familiar with my smiling face when I eat. What some of you don't realised is that I'm not only smiling about the food.

Speaking of that smiley face . . . I remember the first time I realised I did that. =) I'd love to see her again.

I'm listening to John Legend's Ordinary People. Good stuff.

Hi, my name is Kuan Eng

2006-03-04T16:02:00.000+08:00

Aiyah, my classes have started again.

So annoying.

I always end up studying something else, not what's in the syllabus. I feel really smart when I'm discussing stuff among other people lost in the bottomless hole of medicine . . . but not when I'm doing exams.

For want of a word

2006-02-26T10:34:00.000+08:00

I experienced a feeling recently that left me with no words to describe it fairly.

I saw a shirt I bought two months ago pushed all the way back to the far, deep end of the shop. There were about five of them left.

Am I the only one who thinks they are nice?!

WHY?! . . WHy?! . . . Why?! . . . whyyy?! . . .

Nightmare

2006-02-26T05:14:00.000+08:00

I just woke up from one of the worst nightmares of my life. In it, the Z4 was stolen.

It was so vivid, I remember even the smallest details. For example, who I was with, what we were doing, the people I saw . . . even the cars I saw in the carpark when I was walking around searching for it. I should have known something was up, because I saw the most amazing cars (antique sport) in that carpark. I woke up when my dad appeared on the scene. Phew. I think I've grown quite attached to that thing on wheels.

Hey, come to think of it . . . I was in a shopping centre with a curious design. I didn't realise that when I was in the dream, I guess I was too distracted by the 'theft'.

The shopping centre felt spacious and had a clever use of steps to make it feel like an outdoor pedestrian mall, even though it was definitely indoor. This one did exceedingly well at the concept. It simulated natural light and made the ceiling look like the sky. Amenities were put in places where they did not interfere with the ambience. The entrances to the carparks were outstandingly good.

There were more beautiful ideas, which were the best, but I shall not go into detail. This is a public blog after all. It's great that it was a vivid dream, I felt like I was walking through the finished product of a mall.

It's funny how a nightmare can have nice ideas.

Yang Amat Berhormat

2006-02-24T03:40:00.000+08:00

Youngest Brother: Oh, Puan Rozita (my former teacher) said that she never sees you around.

Me : Wow, she still remembers me?

YB : She said she was close to your batch . . . and you talk like a politician.

What's up with that?! I've had lots of stuff said about me before, but this is defintely a first. I'm still trying to remember what I said to her to give her that impression. Perhaps it was over-formality.

Oh well, I guess it's funny . . . in a way.

I missed it.

2006-02-19T12:31:00.000+08:00

My mom found leeches in my dirty laundry today when I was asleep. Didn't get to see her reaction. =)

Went river trekking yesterday with Pupu, So-p and Ay-Man, haha.

I think I burned two million zazillion calories.

The boys went for Japanese buffet after that, so it's all good. =)

Argh

2006-02-17T01:25:00.000+08:00

Alice has got me hooked on a series called Prison Break.

My usual bedtime was three hours ago and I'm still watching it.

Haih~

Romantic

2006-02-13T21:00:00.000+08:00

Romantic falls. Again. The number of times.
He can't remember.

Romantic doesn't understand. Logic never lets him win. Except for that time.

Logic doesn't understand either. Romantic doesn't seem to know patience. The right reason will show itself. Until then, Romantic shouldn't start a fight for every pretender to pass his way.

"You can't think everything through. No one knows what will happen, not even you"

He knows it's true. But he can't risk like Romantic can . . . he sees the hurt that can happen.

Romantic is beyond frustration. Logic is many things, but nothing more so than fear. Desire, Hope . . . losing to Fear. He gets up. It's too much to take lying down.

My dad's genes

2006-02-13T14:39:00.000+08:00

If you're any sort of close friend of mine, you'll know that I'm easily distracted.

(yes, yes, ha ha)

What's interesting is that I found out some time ago that my dad is like that too. I must have inherited it from him.

The great implication of this is, whenever I have to tell him anything that is potentially bad news . . . I'll distract him first. He'll hear the words I say, but he won't process it because his mind is on something else. Great stuff.

Wait . . . what if my future children use this on me? Ahh, I'll worry about that later.

Me, Me, ME!!!!

2006-02-11T21:55:00.000+08:00

My brother said this morning that I'm in love with myself.

Hahahaha =)

Although we both agreed that there's nothing wrong with that . . . he might be right.

It does explains alot if he is, though. Hmmm.

Anyway.

I enjoy doing the stuff I do very much . . . there can't be something wrong with that . . .

Valentine's Day #2

2006-02-10T19:57:00.000+08:00

I just wrote an entry about Valentine's Day that sounded quite gay.

Here's my heterosexual version, which I can show the public without embarrassment.

I think it's unfortunate that on Valentine's Day, people in l@^e are drowned out by countless other people who have been brainwashed into thinking that everyone should buy or receive something on Valentine's Day, otherwise they'll be labelled spoilsport or unloved.

Valentine's Day were meant for lovers and it should stay among lovers. The rest of us should stay away and try not to destroy it for them.

I think it's profit making nonsense on the shops' part to celebrate Valentine's with your aunt or brother or whatever. Honestly, I find it a little disgusting. Valentine's Day should only be spent with the person you want to have passionate s@x with, not the whole of your entended family. Don't we already have Father's day and Mother's day for those kind of things?

During Valentine's day, flowers are everywhere . . . but on other days, it's not unusual to place an advance order for a dozen roses to get them.

I think we've forgotten what it's all about.

Aiyah

2006-02-10T18:00:00.000+08:00

I was surfing and ended up on the Mensa site. I took a test out of boredom.

Not counting careless mistakes, all my wrong answers were word puzzles. I find them so difficult. Numbers and shapes can be worked out without prior knowledge of certain things. Word puzzles requires a person to know the word which happens to be the answer.

This reminds me. They found a cultural bias on Mensa Tests on some study a few years ago. I guess the word puzzles justify exactly that. I wish they would do away with those word questions.

If I were to pursue this cultural/lingual bias further, it is not just the mastery of the language in question, but the way the guy who made the question thinks as well. Humans think partly by association and people from the same cultural background as the question-setter man would arguably be at an unfair advantage of being able to follow the same thought processes of the question-setter man. Many human words are made from a convenient adding together of two simpler words.

A good example of this would be the Americans and the British. They use markedly different words to explain the same thing, even though they are essentially speaking the same language, weird American spellings disregarded. It's not too difficult to see how the British would have an advantage if the question-setter man was British in the case of the word puzzles, would it?
(This is not a vice-versa thing; looking at the recent literacy rate estimates in the US, the less articulate of the US couldn't spell the right answers if they knew them anyway . . . , but that's some other topic = ) ) This tempts me to blog about how the US way of life is possible only by ethically questionable exploitations of other countries, especially after watching Syrianna . . . but I shall refrain. Anyway.

Linguistic skills can be associated with intelligence because it remains the most efficient way by far to exchange ideas, and I accept that. I only wish they get a better way to test and grade it.

As much as I would like to show off my score, I can't help but remember that the whole IQ thing was the invention of one man, which kind of takes away some credibility away from the whole thing. At least I think so.

So ends my excuses for making those mistakes.

Food

2006-02-10T08:18:00.000+08:00

To make Kuan Eng stuffed, feed him this in the space of six hours

1 plate of dry curry laksa
1 Minnesota Twins 1902 hotdog
most of 1 large caramel popcorn
1 popiah
1 bottle of mineral water
1 apricot apple juice
half a plate of Italianies' Spaghetti and Meatballs

I went out with Alice, Audrey and Rae yesterday. It was fun. Popcorn kept me occupied during the boring parts of Syrianna (movie).

All three of them walked into the bathroom before me at the cinema . . . the men's bathroom =)

I didn't use to think women had a bad sense of direction . . . haha

Too young to sigh

2006-02-06T10:34:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, I want to think of great analogies to explain how I feel . . . sometimes, I fail.

So I'll just say it as it is.

There's someone I used to care about, and it pains me that I don't know anything about her now.

I have more pressing things to think about, . . . things i should do for myself, but she haunts me occasionally, and it's bordering on pathetic.

I have to disregard her, but it's taking a long time to do exactly that, maybe . . . perhaps I was at my most naive and vulnerable.

On one hand, I know the far from perfect person she was, on the other hand, I see her as someone in need. The more I mature, the more I see the latter's perspective.

On both hands, I see myself bothered, responsible, and pushed away despite my best intentions.

There's nothing I can do about it anyway, but a wandering mind can be very persistent.

One day, I have to realise that she's not good for me . . .

She brought out the worst in me, but made me realise my best . . . perhaps herein lies my confusion.

I have to find something else, something more nurturing and accepting. Something real.

"Love? It is the cause, the reason, the consequence. We may not find it, but we may never escape it."

Haaaaah

2006-02-05T15:12:00.000+08:00

I went to Chen Hui's house yesterday for Chinese New Year celebrations. You know Chinese people . . . one day isn't enough.

It was lots of fun. A few Sri KL people came, some of them from different years.

A few of us camped in the Karaoke room, while the others played mahjong, or did their part in supporting the alcoholic beverages industry. Among others, Chip Hui is lots of fun to sing with, I wish I'd known her earlier. She really enjoys herself . . . =) Once in a while, we realised how silly we look with our expressions and gestures and burst out laughing, haha.

I sang till I couldn't sing anymore. My voice is aching a little right now. I got a compliment yesterday. Someone said I sounded like a certain singer . . . (kepala kembang) . . . wahh, so flattering . .

I never had so much fun singing.

Haha

2006-02-04T15:37:00.000+08:00

Very so rarely, a newspaper article turns out to be genuinely entertaining and contains some meaning as well.

There was an article two days ago that was just like that. It was written by an Ang Mo, but that's besides the point.

The article offered an theory on why women are so competitive among each other. He put it in a simple way. Men have playstations.

According to him, men have so many ways to de-stress; sports, videogames, ogling at girls . . . while women . . . well, I don't know what they do.

He suggests that women resort to doing things one better among each other to 'blow off steam'. Hilarious. The things they do like, dress better or cook better, or in his example, steal husbands . . . are meant to ultimately make women feel good about themselves.

Crisis

2006-02-01T07:44:00.000+08:00

Unsurprisingly, the house is on my nerves again. It just won't finish in time.

If I get the dog in two months (yes . . . I still have to @#%*&# wait)
, it would still have to stay indoors most of the time because the house would still be undergoing some kind of work involving scaffolds and what not after all that time.

Two months would make buddy nine months old, my dad already thinks it's too old now. This, and the fact that there won't be a place just for for it anytime soon doesn't exactly fill my dad with excitement.

If I change into 'Super Bratty Kuan Eng', which I might, especially considering the circumstances, I would still be living in finished rooms, with a dog, surrounded by what is essentially a construction site. All that presents it own problems which my dad isn't aware of yet, safety-wise and hygiene-wise.

I would have to navigate through brick and dust if I as much as take him out for a walk. He's a little too big to carry as well.

A big problem would be flooring. I don't know if it'll scratch the wood, soil the carpet, or slip around on the tiles and marble and injure itself.

For me to get a dog and take it to the new house with me, I would have to be:

1. Fiercely Bratty
2. Hopelessly Stubborn
3. Unforgivingly Protective
4. Forgetful about telling my family about the consequences of having a large, fur-shedding dog in the house with the personality of a puppy
5. Change my dad's plans on flooring when he's asleep/drunk/somehow

Doesn't really read like a list of holy virtues, does it? Except for #3, if you like having a leash around your neck and being screamed at if you as much as put your foot on something dirty.

Actually, that sounds like my mom . . . her leash is metaphorical.

Sometimes it crosses my mind that having a dog is too much trouble.

KE

2006-01-23T22:19:00.000+08:00

It is night.

My home is behind me, my dreams lie before me.

It is cold, and dark.

I am afraid.

The winds blow into and through me.

Should I go back and return tomorrow?

I think time is precious, and now is as good a time as any.

But it doesn't feel right.

It doesn't look right, if it really is there for me to take tonight . . .

It will be there in the morning when I wake.

Time is precious, but there's isn't such need for rush. Things aren't what they seem in the dimness of the night.

In haste, details are missed, joy passed in unceremonious impatience.

Perhaps, perceived cowardice is sensibility in disguise.

I will allow night to pass, and morning to light my path. Perhaps, with luck, I will have an enjoyable stroll there.

My dreams are not as fragile as to be blown away in one night. Or stolen away for that matter.

Nyaahahaaha

2006-01-23T20:57:00.000+08:00

Devious Plan #43*

Aim : To have permission for the dog to come into the house whenever he wants to

1. Laugh hysterically (nyeheheheh)

2. Designate the area outside the house, on the other side of the wall from the TV room to be the "dog's area"

3. Laugh again (bwahahaha)

4. Innocently suggest that my dad install sliding glass doors in the TV room, connecting it to the outside . . . insisting that it's a great idea.

5. Move in, and wait for my dad to give in while the dog gives my dad the puppy eyes treatment from outside the house.

For the dog's sake (and mine), I can be frightening cunning =)

I really hope this works, the house is in its final stages of renovation . . . hope it isn't too late to try this.

BTW, I've decided. I want Buddy. Arif and Alice helped me realise what an idiot I would be if I don't get the dog I've already fallen in love with.

Wonder what Buddy would think? I can't wait.

It's all good

2006-01-22T17:59:00.000+08:00

Alright, I can get Buddy if I want to.

Buddy is currently about seven months old, but he is a handsome fella. Heartbreaker of a dog.

Is seven months too old? My dad thinks so.

The dog's almost its maximum size, so I'll miss out on it growing up. But it is a little easier to take care of it, now that it's grown up. It still behaves like a puppy though.

So difficult to decide.

I'll think about it for a few days.

Ai, ai, ai, ai~

2006-01-19T10:29:00.000+08:00

Things I have done to keep myself occupied for the past two days:

1. Read politics (wah lau . . . so scary to read)

2. Read economics

3. Watch the Australian Open (still am, actually)

4. Thinking about Golden Retrievers

5. Watch my mom make cookies

6. Sing chinese songs till my voice became a little raspy. No, I can't read anything but the most simple of chinese characters . . . therefore, I have become quite good at finding han yu pin yin to lyrics of these songs.

I think consecutive late nights make me feel a little tired today.

Perhaps I shall (try to) cook something. I don't mind playing tennis too, but I don't have anyone to play with. =(

After going to see Buddy with James and Alice . . . I have added Psychology* students to people whom I regard make interesting conversations. Now, now . . . don't let it get to your heads.

I'm taking my dad to see Buddy on Sunday.

*I had to find a dictionary to spell this word correctly =)

Hey, I just remembered that I haven't touched the guitar for a loooong time . . .

Chocolate

2006-01-17T07:33:00.000+08:00

What started out as a short trip to have some chocolate at KLCC became a mini Sri KL reunion.

LinaJamieAliceAtikaRaeAudreyNick

We laughed lots and had chocolate after lunch.

Two days ago, I had my first taste of Wagyu beef . . . waahh. Damn, it's everything I hoped it would be. Tender and juicy. I cooked it myself on a hot plate at a Japanese restaurant. My dad, brother and I shared a plate. Marinated in teriyaki sauce, it was @$#&* good.

On another completely unrelated topic . . .

The two boys that'll kill me

Shriek, shriek

2006-01-13T18:41:00.000+08:00

Wang Lee Hom - Mistake in the Flower Field

This song is so cool. He mixed traditional chinese with R&B!

Damn, this guy is getting better and better.

Watch the video

Freakish

2006-01-11T21:30:00.000+08:00

I borrowed a book titled "Freakonomics" from Rae a few hours ago.

Never before has a book given me a headache. It throws so many facts, lines of reasoning and implications all at once, it's almost frighteningly daunting to completely understand every point he is trying to make. I'm so amazed by the way he thinks. Steven D. Levitt is someone I would have to admit, is really smart.

Too many economists practise selective vision/hearing and flawed explanations, ignoring troublesome data while searching for ones consistent with their predictions. There is wonder if anyone actually understands the underlying principles as opposed to repeating them seemingly on impulse. Economics is one complex subject, I have to say in their defense.

Mr. Levitt, on the other hand, is the best thing to a welcome exception. He writes it like how he thinks it is, regardless of how the other economists would take it. He makes the boldest of statements and gives explanations with surprising logic.

I'm not done with the book yet, but I feel that there is a smallest hint of bias. Having said that however, it is only detectable among the most insignificant of data he presents.

Micro is not important? Macro is made of Micro. =)